I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
