Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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