I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
