when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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