Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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