also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
