Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
