i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
