Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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