My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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