Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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