mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
