All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
