So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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