You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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