I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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