i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
