I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
