Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
