his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
