you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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