I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
