Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
