We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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