Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
