summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
