Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
