Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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