I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have feelings that need drinking.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
