I hate your face
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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