I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
