if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
