Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
