Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
