I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
