Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
