Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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