this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
