you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
