I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
