are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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