you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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