Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
