I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
