Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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