i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
