I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
