I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
