To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
