somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I deserve this hangover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
